you lied the night you kissed me.there is a thick exhaustion in the pit of my stomach, spreading to my shoulderstill they hang and to my knees until they buckle. and I will sleep for days on end,and when I wake up I didn't really.I hate you dear, I hate you so.because there is so much to do, I could travel to the other side of the country andpaint a portrait of a stranger and I could sit on top of someone's roof and look at thestars with a boy I don't want to know and I could fall asleep in his bed and listen tohim playing guitar without clothes and he'd take me out for diner and anywhere I'dwant to go and we'd have sex in his car and on the trampoline in my back yard andwe'd eat at my grandparents with Christmas and it would never be enough becausehe's everything you weren't.I think I lost myself, I think I fell out that time you ran away holding onto me and myskin tore. I looked for her in that empty hole in your chest cavity, but all I found waslost so long ago, and you wouldn't show me where it went b
this is about forgettingThis is the thing about forgetting: For weeks you bury your face in the clothes you wore when he was near and the smell is a comfort and a torture. You decide that the torture is not worth the comfort so you leave them draped across the back of a chair and place things on top of them to stop yourself until one day you shove your hands through the pile until your fingers wrap around the fabric and you yank it free only to realize it was pointless. Even his ghost is gone. The next thing that leaves is the way his voice looked in the dark. Those few sentences become blurred and rough around the edges. What you remember drops in your stomach in a different way. You run your fingers over your
a painting hung all wrong.in a dream.we find him strung up in our garagewashing line taut. neck bulging.i covered someone's eyes.stopped them from remembering,almost familar featuresand blue blue blue blue wide open eyes.where's someone to cover mine?i mirror you with swollen throatmy voice thick with blood and screaming.a painting hung all wrong.